100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

An old man walks into a bar and sits next to a nice old lady. Turning to her he asks, “So tell me. Do I come here often?”

 

20. You can't have everything...Where would you put it?

 

That is funny Joshua, @JTB_5. I'd be proud of that one too

 

Attention Ladies...
The hair salons are closed
The makeup salons are closed
The nail salons are closed
The tanning salons are closed
Gentlemen, things are about to get ugly out there.

 

Shame on you, shame on me...I had to read this twice

 

Reminds me of my favorite mean spirited joke.

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they’re ugly and they smell bad.

 

Thanks, Ray.

 

How about the barber shops?

 

9 more days of this stuff Jack can't you get older sooner?

 

I'll hop on if I can.

Can my joke be in the form of a meme?

 

Congratulations on 100K Likes Jack, very nice GAW, I’m in. OH

With the Covid19 going around I was told all I needed to wear to the grocery store was a face mask and nitrell gloves. They lied; everyone else was wearing clothes!

 

Congrats and love to get a folder like that

this guy is I thought is pretty funny



G2

 

Mexican word of the day “Irish”.

Irish the Coronavirus would go away. heard it on the radio.

 

Well, that was funny, to be sure!

 

Hmmm.... don't know what's Mexican about that. And I'm an Irish Mexican.

 

It’s talk radio. One of the host is Hispanic and does Mexican word of the day. Love those guys only few left live now.

 

Great thread, Jack! And congrats on the 100k likes! I’ve always been impressed and a bit proud (though not really surprised) that 90% of the folks on that list are Porch regulars.

My maternal grandfather and my dad (both salesmen most of their lives) were great joke tellers, as were a couple uncles on both sides of the family. Unfortunately, I’ve always had a poor memory for jokes, but for some reason this one (which I’m sure you’ve all probably heard before) always stuck with me:

A rope walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender points to a sign behind the bar that reads “NO ROPES ALLOWED” and says, “We don’t want your kind here, so get lost!”

The rope returns to the bar the next day, this time wearing a pair of sunglasses and a hat, sits at the bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says, “You’re not fooling anyone with that disguise, rope! Now get out!”

The following day, the rope returns to the bar again, but before going in, he ties himself into an overhand knot, then takes out his Lambsfoot and splices the strands at the top of his head several times. He walks into the bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks, “Aren’t you that rope that keeps coming in here?,” to which rope replies, “I’m a frayed knot.”

 

Sue and I are doing really well Jack- although I have lost a bit of money over this Virus thing with Travel cancellations, stock markets crashing that my Super is connected to etc, but ...hey you always have to look on the bright side of life otherwise there's no use!

There was this guy driving down a road when he spied something small- running up to his Car- he looked at his Speedo and he was doing 55mph, - it wasn't until the small thing actually past him- that he saw it was a Chicken!!!

Not only was it a Chicken- but it was a Chicken with THREE LEGS!!!!

"What the Hang..." he said, so he put his foot down until he got to 70 mph...this Chicken just ran even faster- cut in front of his car, and disappeared down this long Driveway..... The guy drove on- but couldn't take it anymore and turned around- and drove down that same long Driveway - until he came across this Farmer leaning on a Gate!
The guy in the car said" Hey Mr Farmer- this Chicken just ran past my Car- I was doing 70mph!!!! and that thing had THREE LEGS!!!

The farmer just kept leaning on the fence- "Yup, he said, That would be right... Dem be my Chickens"

The guy in the Car just was astounded- he said to the Farmer - "So you breed Chickens with three legs!! you must make a fortune!! they must taste Great as well!! "
The Farmer stood up - spat out his tobacco and said said " That there's a No, and a dunno .....cause we aint been able to catch the damn things"

 

What do you call a counterfeit noodle?

An impasta.

 

Help me! I can’t stop. What’s difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station; the other is a busty crustacean.